Breaking The Stigma: An Open Conversation about Grief and Mental Health in Philadelphia with Dominque Wallace
By Zahiya Daniels and Nichole Christian
Youthcast Media Group®
This story was published on Mindsite News's online publication on December 16, 2024.
Four years after enduring one of Philadelphia’s most disturbing cases of police violence, Dominque Wallace still finds herself working to overcome trauma for herself and gun violence survivors.
Her ordeal made national headlines in 2020 when Wallace’s 27-year-old husband, Walter, was fatally shot by two Philadelphia police officers after she had called for them to help him amidst his mental health episode. The incident set off protests across the city and left Dominque to mourn alone as a widow and become a single mother to their five children.
Even now, Wallace’s story continues to exemplify how easily mental health episodes can turn deadly and how difficult it can be to survive the aftermath of violence and access mental health services in the moments you need them most.
In a rare interview granted to Youthcast Media Group, she recounted the pain of beginning her day with her husband by her side, only to end it without him. After leaving the hospital, she also faced the painful task of telling her children, only to find out they had already learned of their father's death on TV.
The media’s portrayal, she said, also made the initial grief greater, spreading a false narrative about her family, Walter, and their emotions during the tragedy. She had to endure media-circulated videos of Walter’s final moments from every possible angle, showing him struggling as she and their family desperately tried to help, while everybody watched and nobody helped.
“You become characterized and put into a box: ‘Oh, these young Black kids don’t have a father,’ or ‘he must have been on drugs or crazy,’’ Wallace said in the interview with Youthcast Media Group. “That's the image that they promote on TV… but that wasn't our life.”
Wallace says her husband should still be alive.
“It was supposed to be a call for help,’’ she said. “But it was a death sentence.’’
Since her husband’s death, Wallace has become a passionate advocate for justice and greater access to mental health treatment.
Wallace says her husband's death continues to impact her daily and remains a horrifying example of the ways untreated mental health issues are plaguing Philadelphia. Across Philadelphia, more than 17% of adults have been diagnosed with a mental health condition, with the highest percentage in Philadelphia County - 20.8% diagnosed. In Pennsylvania, 447,000 adults have been diagnosed with a serious mental illness, and as of 2021, Pennsylvania reported 2,014 suicides statewide.
By sharing her ongoing experiences overcoming grief, Wallace hopes to encourage greater empathy and understanding about the toll grief takes on people who experience tragic losses, especially due to gun violence. She wants to motivate the public to fight for a future where families are spared from that devastating grief.
Her journey has influenced how she manages her role as a mother and how she approaches life as well as her children, Wallace says, which has included leaving the city where Walter was killed
“To stay in the city and hear the sirens… there’s 24-hour police activity and stuff, and I couldn’t sleep at night,” she says, which made it impossible for her to heal her own trauma after her husband’s death.
In the immediate aftermath of her husband’s death, even the simplest tasks like eating and taking care of herself felt seemingly impossible, Wallace says.
“They had to drag me out the house, like, put my clothes on for me,’’ Wallace says, “We (had) just got married three weeks before, like to say till death do us part. So, I just signed a marriage certificate, a death certificate, and a birth certificate in a month. I still put my children's mental health before mine.’’
She recounts the depths of her struggle after Walter died. Alcohol, she says, became her only comfort just to make it through the day. “That was my breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I was like, ‘I'm gonna kill myself.’ Once he left a part of me left too. So, I wanted to go too. That was for about four months.”
Much of Wallace’s initial reaction to her husband’s death mirrored a typical response to trauma. “All someone is looking for is relief,’’ explained Cassie Campbell, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in trauma and grief treatment. “They're trying to feel better, and [substance use] that is maybe the quickest, fastest way to get that relief or that release.’’
Campbell said the pattern can be particularly prevalent in instances where professional therapy and treatment are not readily available to help victims understand trauma’s toll. “ Grief is lifelong, but also coupled with traumatic grief on top of that, where you're experiencing symptoms, often of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder); there is, unfortunately, no timeline and no quick path through.’’
High profile encounters with trauma, like the Wallace case, can heighten the turmoil. “The media involvement creates a lot of extra barriers to their healing,” she added.
Ultimately, Wallace sought and found help similar to the resources offered by local organizations like the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI Philadelphia) and Uplift Philly formally known as The Uplift Center for Grieving Children. These are just two of the groups working to support those facing mental health issues, or being affected by the grief of losing a loved one.
Jackie Horton, a community organizer who works to support and advocate for families of victims of violence through her group the Underground Foundation, contacted Wallace after attending her husband’s funeral and offered her support. She’s encouraged Wallace to share her story since.
“I think it’s imperative to share this story,” Horton says. “We don’t give enough credit to Black women not only enduring the trauma that comes from being there in that moment of him being murdered… but then also having to replay it on TV a million times but then also needing to guard your children from it.”
Wallace says she’s grateful for people like Horton who have encouraged her to speak out and kept her husband’s story alive.
“I like to be in the back,” she says. “So having people with big voices is really helpful, knowing that I don’t have to fight for myself [alone].”
While organizations like NAMI Philadelphia and Uplift Philly offer vital support, Wallace believes that mental health conversations need to start at home. She stresses the importance of allowing young people to express their feelings and urges parents to be aware of their children's emotional needs.
All of Wallace’s children receive therapy, which gives them someone other than her to talk to about their grief and struggles.
She now prioritizes asking her children about their day, checking in if something seems wrong, and ensuring they feel supported– something she says is not done enough in many families.
“We’ve got to ask, ‘are you okay?’ That wasn't something that was big, not just for me, but for everybody. Like, that's not a household question,” she says.
Wallace even asks her children if they’re feeling mentally healthy enough to go to school, and lets them stay home if they’re having a bad day.
“Imagine if everybody asked their kids that every day before they went to school,” says Horton.
Wallace says that young people should feel comfortable acknowledging their emotions and seeking help when needed, rather than suppressing their feelings out of fear of being judged. She encourages creating a supportive environment where children and teenagers can express their emotions without being dismissed or labeled as "crazy."
“It’s okay not to be okay,” she says. “But who do you actually call when it gets to be too much. You have to have a good safety net, and a village… because the village is not really there anymore.”
Wallace urges young people to leverage the resources available to them, whether through school counselors, online platforms, or trusted adults, to ensure they don’t feel isolated in their struggles.
She offers practical first-hand advice as well.
“The grieving process is hard, but don't let it overwhelm you. There's going to be hard times. Everybody is not built to handle it, but in the long run, you have to have a positive view of things.”
“I wake up some days I'll be like, ‘how am I still alive?’ It's like, I'm still dealing with it. I’ve got five kids. I still don't know what to do. But I wake up with a positive attitude. And just go about my day and thank God that I survived.’’
Zahiya Daniels is an 11th grade student at Philadelphia High School for Girls. She worked on this story with Nichole Christian, a Youthcast Media Group mentor-editor and journalist who has worked for The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times and the Detroit Free Press, among others.
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