‘Alienated’ and other poems by Samantha Mills

Alienated

I find it difficult to communicate with you,
It's like you are of another species.
I am an alien.
Or maybe
You are.
We speak two different languages.
I hold an alienated out of this world
Tongue
–I come from–
Far out
A million light years away
My home planet sits
On the corner of uncivilized and ghetto black trash
Unhuman and non-feeling street.
My home planet smells of spices and seasonings of all sorts
Dumplings, curry, and fried fish
You scrunch your nose at it.
The smell you call putrid is my comfort.
My home.
That is why I am alien to you
And you to me
Though
They say you are more human than I could ever hope to be.
So
I guess I'll just get back on my spaceship
Kiss all the planets as I pass by.
Making my way back home.
My unusual smelly home.

— Samantha Mills, 3/15/22

Pills

What is my diagnosis doctor of fantasy?
Assign me a pill.
One that will bring me
A thrill
Life
Through pain and this here knife

From crawling to crying
Hair pulling to skin cutting
From being eccentric to altruistic
Self hate to self debate
Identification to a self observation

Perhaps it's my own fault for letting the creatures of the night
Give me a fright

— Samantha Mills, 1/26/22

A Dance with the Devil

I was dancing with the devil.
He danced beautifully. Dreadfully graceful. Painfully elegant. It brought tears to my eyes.
I was dancing with the devil.
He was so gentle as we swayed in a familiar harmony. All I could do was embrace this connection I felt between us.
I was dancing with the devil.
He whispered pretty lies into my ears.
“You know I love you.”
I was dancing with the devil.
I stumbled and stepped on his feet. And yet…he still danced. Still smiled. Still cared.
Left the rest of the world a blur and the whole of my heart ablaze.
My head rested on his chest. I could smell the sin in his skin. We moved peacefully, became an entity.
I was dancing with the devil.
He was so calming.
So delicate.
So welcoming
And then I looked up.

I looked up and he isn't beautiful anymore.
The tears streamed down my face.
Left trails of dry blood.
A red ink exiting the sockets that hold my eyes.
I was dancing with the devil.
And he tried to consume me.
I was dancing with the devil.
And he threw me into the world’s core.
“You know I love you”
I was dancing with the devil.
It was exhilarating
I was dancing with the devil.
And he tried to steal my life
Leave me a hollow corpse
He mocked me as the life I desperately clung to escaped my body.
I am bloody and bruised.
6ft under.
“You know I love you”
Insects are making their way through my body
Exiting and entering through my ears as much as they please
Maggot made me a home
“You know I love you”
“You know I love you.
“YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU! IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD! ACCEPT ME! LET ME INTO YOUR HEART! YOU OWE ME!
I was dancing with the devil.
I could smell his sin.
Taste his lust.
He left me out to dry in the midnight rain
I was dancing with the devil.
I looked up
And I seen his face in mine.